There is nothing to fear but fear itself, right???

I must admit that I have been a little fearful lately. My life is taking a drastic, unexpected turn in a relatively short amount of time. So, I have the right to be a little fearful, right??? I think that if I was saying this to someone out loud and in person right now that they would respond, "sure, you and Ryan have only known each other for a short time..but things are going to be great" or some other comforting remark about me and Ryan. The natural first assumption would be that I am fearful about marrying someone I have known only 6 months ("only")...BUT, my fear is not about spending my life with Ryan. Our 6 months might as well be 6 years or 16 years or more.. I feel like I have known Ryan always...like he is meant to be part of my life. I am 100% certain God gave me Ryan. And I have no fear in things I know God has given to me. (although I know that technically I am not supposed to have any fear because God gives me everything in my life...just realize, I am not perfect and keep reading :)

I am fearful of some other changes that this wedding will bring into my life...has already brought a little bit into my life. Mainly, I am afraid of the impact on my relationships with others outside of Ryan. I am afraid of not being a good friend to my friends...the people who have been there for me through thick and thin...for many years. I have been "forgotten" by friends who had met their mates (or heck, some who disappeared every time they had a boyfriend!). It always hurt my feelings that they did not value my friendship enough to make time or effort to include me in their life. Don't get me wrong, I never think I should be top priority but a random text, email, phone call, pedicure, something... something to let me know I was still on their friend list (in real life, not just FB land). It always seemed like such a simple thing to me...if they valued our friendship, they would make the time, sometime!

Oh but how un-simple it is!!! It is SO complex and hard! Once you meet your mate, you no longer live "your" life but rather you live "our" life. You now have to think of someone else having to eat dinner... or you have to do yard work.. or you have to work on the house to get ready for the big move in a few months.... or you have to pay for a wedding which cuts into your lunch out/ pedi/ social funds... all of a sudden you have to be a full-fledged "grown up"!!!! And, while I love Ryan and I love the thought of being his wife... I do not love the idea of any of my beloved friends feeling unloved for one second!!! Great thing is...Ryan knows how much I love my friends..how much I need my friends...and he totally supports me having them and seeing them whenever I want (just as I feel the same way about him...he too values his friends)!

I have been so overwhelmed lately trying to plan a wedding; dealing with work which has been insane; dealing with the fact that our future home's bathroom had a leak and the floor rotted and is now completely gutted to be repaired; feeling as though I have totally been a terrible friend. So, today I am making mental amends with myself and am reminding myself of the saying "the only thing to fear is fear itself." Mainly because I realized this afternoon that this particular fear is completely controlled by me... I am the one in charge of how loved I make my friends feel!! Duh!!

So, I am squashing this fear right here, right now. I am sending out this message to all of my wonderful friends....I may be a little scattered right now (you all know I am ADHD which makes me not do well with all the planning and pressure a wedding brings!) but I truly love and value all of you! And from this moment forward, I will make it a priority that each of you know how important you are to my life. I could care not care less if my wedding has a cake or flowers or chairs or any of the other billion things weddings "should" have as long as I get to share my day and most importantly this new phase of my life with all of you!

Love <3